Hairpiece

   He was born a royal! A prince with magical power, and - according to fortune tellers - will drive him to dominate the world. A multitude of people fussed around him to fulfill his wishes, and desires. Everything was going favorably in his development as a child, until he was about six years old. He had no hair whatsoever on his head up to that age. He was bald as a bowling ball, and his mind was absent in anything he did. Cleaver hair usually deserts a stupid head. Nobody minded that, because he had a cute little mouth as a shirt button. The poor guy had to wear a hairpiece made of black squirrel fur. Isn’t that depressing?  
  It was disappointing to his parents to have a child who has no hair, so they secretly hid him in the castle’s treasure tower. The king’s favorite Russian wicked witch enchanted him, as to grow real hair, so he can appear later, acceptable to his royal subjects. The witch prepared him a potion from poisonous mushrooms, and miraculously his hair started to grow. Soon he found out that the hair had magical powers, and anyone who touched it became just as stupid as he was. As years have past even his talk became enchanting, so he could coarse many into voting for him at time of elections.
    His beautiful yellow hair grew and grew, and before long he could comb it from back to front, and front to back again, so he ditched the fake squirrel hairpiece. The new hair had a regrettable adverse effect, namely, the longer his hair grew the more retarded he became. Although, allegedly he made billions from his father’s business, locked into the treasure tower, he knew nothing about the world around him, and he still doesn’t to this day. His royal subjects meant nothing to him, and most of the time he didn’t pay them wages.
    Unfortunately our hero never left the treasure tower. The poor guy left a universe of peace and harmony, and was forced to adopt one plagued with chaos, lies and mistrust, to cope with this cruel abandonment. With the magic of his long yellow hair, and his 'colossal' income, he managed to never pay taxes, and furthermore, he declared bankruptcy several times. Now that's clever! Despite of his delayed intellect, finally he got his ‘Twitter’ account, because everyone had one, why not him!? He used it to touch people in unprecedented ways from his tower with no access from outside world, avoiding the scrutinizing, aggressive behavior of the press, and get his clever ideas directly to his comparing bright supporters.
    His ingenious Russian witch was the only one who could visit him, and taught him many key words to use in his upcoming election like: drain the swamp, tremendous, unprecedented, talented, clever, go to jail, beautiful, tall, smooth, big, crooked, bomb the hell out of them, obsolete, make history, never before, huge, grate again, alternative facts, fake, Fox news, WikiLeaks, we won, border wall, and so on… because he couldn’t come up with any on his own. That Russian witch never, ever taught him the words: ‘I’m sorry’, and ‘I apologize’, so he won’t be sidetracked by signs of everyday people’s weaknesses, or truth.
    After his historic, unprecedented victory, elected by twenty-five percent of the country’s smartest cast of population, with the help of a very ‘talented’ campaign advisor, press secretary, and don’t forget the Russian witch, he was crowned king! He became the savior of the world in an instant, he was able to walk on water, - let alone thin ice, - and rewrite history with a stroke of his pen. He managed to restore order, discipline, peace, love, safety, harmony, and understanding in a country of hate, chaos and turmoil before his reign. The soothing reconciliation between facts, and alternative facts started. Everything became clear as the midnight sun! He turned out to be the most beloved king, and he ruled for ever and ever!
    This king favored the poorest of the poor, so he let them climb up to his tower with the help of his wonderful, long and strong yellow hair, thus saving them from demise. The problem is that they had to touch his magical hair, and they all become mentally delayed too! O well, such is life! At least they are happy!
    The science that studies this unmatched movement is called 'Idiot-ology'. Their signature characteristic is they know ‘no reality’. O… that Russian witch!
    I’m a huge Idiot-ology fan, so I will use it's signature trait, and I won’t apologize for what I just wrote.

March 17, 2017